Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The pursuit of…

I thought life was a certain way.

You know: you wake up, you go to school, you eat, you play, you work, you study, you dream, you sleep, etc.

But it can be anything you want it to be—to a degree.

I am just now actualizing this in my mind.

Because my reality is that I have completed my undergraduate degree, and I have a job.

But that is not life.

Life is to be truly happy and to make someone else genuinely happy.

You know?

I just finished watching Little Miss Sunshine.

And for some strange reason, I crave sushi.

But I don’t like sushi all that much.

Perhaps there is some sort of visual tie with the yellow bus.

I use way too many ellipses.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Reason Why BFFs Are Irreplaceable #100

To: Tawny

This is a friendly reminder from your sponsor at Purseaholics Anonymous (PA) that you forgot to check in. If you are near any purses, put them down gently, count to ten slowly, then calmly exit the store. Do not take a second glance at the bags. Do not linger behind to smell the pleather. Just walk away. And remember, each day is a new opportunity to start afresh. Kudos

CB: 1-630-776-XXXX
Fri, Jan 4, 5:41 pm


To: Tawny

Dear Tactful-Tawn, this morning after my breakfast, I ate a spoonful of Dolce de Leche ice cream. Then just now, I had a spoonful of Vanilla Swiss Almond! Fine two spoons. I fear I may be what is known in certain circles a foodaholic. Tell me, is there hope for me? Signed, forever-hungry-in-Chicago…

CB: 1-630-776-XXXX
Wed, Jan 2, 10:40 pm

From: Tawny

chicago, there is hope for you. seeing as i have to eat an entire cup full of ice cream not just a spoonful. signed your fattie friend in california.

CB: 909-856-XXXX
Wed, Jan 2, 10:53 pm

Monday, May 12, 2008


Dear readers,

WE ARE currently looking to fill the position of Best Friend Forever (BFF) as the former BFF turned out to be a Best Friend not-Forever (henceforth not-BFF) deciding upon graduating college to move back home to sunny CaliFORNICATION.

You must be Photoshop literate and have excellent photography/marketing skills. This position also requires that you have genius cooking abilities (a chef par excellence) and enjoy watching HEROES on Mondays.

Please fax your curriculum vitae, references and any other relevant documents to: 269-471-XXXX or mail:

Matthew Park
XXXX Rose Hill Rd.
Apt. PXX
Berrien Springs, MI 49103-1292

ATTN: BFF for Matthew.

Serious inquiries only. Skinnies need not apply.
Shawnimals lover a must.